Having a crush on somebody means that you think they’re cute and you either want to crush them to death with your thighs or you want them to crush you to death with their thighs. Either way, you’re going to die.
Poorly dubbed Bruce Lee on TV, pretty good reenactment on the couch… #fistsoffur
Gave my phone to a friend’s boyfriend at dinner last night so he could play with my Tinder app. Got it back to find he’d matched me with 30 dudes and messaged all of them “dick pic please.”
The best part? Of those dudes, 25 of them responded, 10 asked me for pussy/tit pics first, 2 asked if I was on snapchat, 2 gave me their phone numbers, and 1 said “hahah nooo” but then told me where he was if I wanted to go see him in person.
DC is so fucking thirsty, you guys.