kindymaling:

no sorry santorum you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term

ha ha ha nailed it

I stay away from food that people have strong, regionalized opinions about.
A Treasury of the World's Worst Online Dating Stories | The Awl

I fear what it says about me that while reading the following anecdote, instead of agreeing that it fell under “Most Horrific Things Encountered While Online Dating,” I thought “Man, that sounds kind of awesome”:

He spent one-third of the time telling me about the musical he was writing about raccoons, one-third of the time talking about C++, and one-third of the time demonstrating the plot of Othello using the salt and pepper shakers.

(via Halle Kiefer)

neighborhoodr-washingtondc:

It was only a matter of time: “Shit DC Says”

The meme is tired, but… so accurate.

Cracking up at the customer service rep on this website who addresses all commentators as “dear.” Makes me think there’s a little old lady out there selling wholesale clothing and typing with her index fingers while peering at the computer screen through inch-thick glasses.

Cracking up at the customer service rep on this website who addresses all commentators as “dear.” Makes me think there’s a little old lady out there selling wholesale clothing and typing with her index fingers while peering at the computer screen through inch-thick glasses.

Dear Steve Weatherford,
It has come to my attention that you sometimes punt the football straight into the arms of the league’s most dangerous return men, forcing me to constrict and temporarily hinder blood flow to the brain. This week, you will be facing Darren Sproles, who has five total return touchdowns in his career. Please be advised that if he scores a touchdown as a direct result of one of your punts, I will shut down, then leap through the esophagus to strangle you, leaving you breathless and unemployed faster than you can say “Matt Dodge.”
Sincerely,
Tom Coughlin’s Pulmonary Artery.